What I Want

I want to sleep with someone.

I don’t mean that I want to have sex. I actually want to sleep with someone. I want to be so comfortable with someone that I can crawl into their bed, or have them slide into mine, and stay there all night and into the morning.

I want to wake up completely entwined with someone, with our legs jumbled together and our arms wrapped around each other, just pulling each other close. So close that our foreheads and noses are touching, and when I inhale, it’s what they are exhaling. They in turn inhale the air I breathe out.

Our lips are so close, either of us would only have to pucker and stretch our mouths out a fraction of a centimeter to be kissing, but we don’t. Not for a while.

I want to lie there, entwined, close, and breathing, feeling safe and comfortable, and then I want to want to kiss them. It wouldn’t be for myself, because physically I’d know that I wouldn’t feel anything, but for them, because physically they would. I want to care about and trust someone so much that the act of kissing them, or doing anything physical with them, feels good purely out of empathy and emotion.

And afterwards, we’ll be able to go home knowing that we’ve shared something beautiful, and we’ll be able to share it again and again without hurting anyone.

That’s what I want. I’m aware that I’ll have to wait for it.


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